Your birth stories: 'I was told I'd wet myself, but my waters had broken and our baby died'

My name is Rachael McGrath and I'm the chair of the Birth Trauma Association charity. I came to this role due to my own experience giving birth to my twins more than a decade ago.

I was dismissed by maternity staff who didn't pick up on the fact that I had pre-eclampsia. This led to my suffering a total placental abruption at home. My children were subsequently born by emergency c-section. We all came within a hair's breadth of losing our lives in the most traumatic circumstances imaginable.  

Compounding the horrendous trauma of their birth was poor post-natal care, my basic needs being unmet, lack of compassion from staff and medical negligence, which led to severe post-natal complications. 

Giving birth to my children left me with life-changing physical and psychological injuries.  One of my twins has profound additional needs, and as we navigate this parenting journey, I struggle with the pressure that I need to live forever to ensure my child has the care they will need, but hampered by the realisation I'm now forever trapped in a body that no longer functions properly, managing a PTSD diagnosis and the disabling chronic pain that I deal with every day.

It's worth noting that I couldn't return to work post birth trauma, so it wasn't just the physical and mental health issues I was left dealing with - we also faced financial crisis too. There has been a lifelong ramification from my birth experience, one we'll never recover from.  

Giving birth should never come at the cost of a woman's physical or psychological health, yet for thousands, it does. This is not an unfortunate side effect of childbirth; it is a systemic failure.

Ryan Lock got back in touch with Paste BN today after seeing our call for stories. Our correspondent Laura Bundock covered the inquest into the death of Ida, his daughter with his partner Sarah Robinson, last year. Alongside a link to the article, Ryan wrote...  

My name is Ryan Lock, father of Ida. This is our story, which you covered in March 2025. 

Ida died due to eight gross failings from Royal Lancaster Infirmary, which is part of University Hospitals of Morecambe Bay Trust. 

Not only did they fail Ida and my partner Sarah, but after she died the trust attempted to cover up what really happened. Eventually, after five years, the truth came out at the inquest. 

I found I was pregnant in August 2022. It was my fifth pregnancy after four miscarriages. 

From the get-go I found my care appalling. I had issues from 12 weeks with pain and discharge, which was always put down to water infections. I was put on antibiotics all the time. 

Then at 20 weeks, what I believed were my waters broke in the middle of the night. I went to hospital but was refused a scan as my 20-week scan was four days later. I was told I had wet myself.

Three days later I felt something in my vagina which turned out to be a prolapsed umbilical cord. I went back to hospital and found out my baby had died. She was in no fluid, my waters had broken. I had to give birth to her.

The stay was awful. I was given an agency nurse who didn't want to be there and constantly moaned she was treated differently. 

I made it very clear I didn't want to feel a thing and had to beg for an epidural, which the team reluctantly gave me. 

I was handed a bed pan and told to use it to go to the toilet in case anything comes out. In the morning I asked for a catheter. I asked my husband to help take off my knickers and our little girl was there. No one had checked. 

I pushed for more than an hour to get the placenta out until a doctor came in and asked why I was pushing as my cervix was shut. I had surgery to have it removed. 

The next day I had to go myself to pick up my prescription in the hospital so I could go home. 

The aftercare with the bereavement midwife was appalling. I got comfort knowing we had to get a bigger casket for our daughter's ashes, but she was quick to tell me our daughter had been small, and it was only because of her blanket and hat.

Trisha, who told her story on Mornings With Ridge And Frost this morning, described her birthing experience as "the worst nightmare ever".

She was forced to deliver twins naturally, despite it being clear that they would not survive and having asked for a c-section.

Watch her full story

My partner suffered a traumatic birth back in 2013.

Having suffered several previous miscarriages, we were looking forward to the birth of our son, due on 11 March.

On 30 November she started feeling very unwell and was in a lot of pain. So we called the maternity unit, which advised we come in for a check. By the time we got there, my partner was feeling even more unwell and was experiencing a nasty smelling discharge.

A male midwife/healthcare professional came to see her, took some details and monitored her and the baby.

Not long afterwards, we were told there wasn't anything wrong and to "go home, have a warm bath and take paracetamol".

We did as instructed and although unconvinced, I ran her a bath and made sure she was comfortable before going to bed early.

She woke me up in the night saying she felt worse and the baby was coming. We drove back to the hospital around 3.30am.

I recall the intercom wasn't working so we couldn't understand what the voice was saying and we couldn't get into the hospital. Fortunately, there were a couple of medical staff outside on a cigarette break who did let us in eventually.

Once we got to the maternity unit, we were rushed straight into a birthing suite.

Louise was a few days over just 25 weeks pregnant. We were scared, confused, emotional and in total disbelief.

Finley was born around 7.30 on 1 December 2013 weighing 1lb 10oz or 884g.

He was tiny and was immediately put into the neonatal intensive care unit, where he stayed for approximately three months.

The care provided from the birth up until his discharge was second to none and absolutely brilliant.

But what has stuck with us was the almost dismissive arrogance and treatment from the male healthcare professional when we first came in.

We have since been informed that there was treatment available to prevent the birth happening so soon. But all Louise was given was some paracetamol and told to go away.

Thankfully, Finley is a typical thriving 12-year-old. But we were lucky. Things could have been a lot worse had it not been for the consultants and medical professionals at his birth who saved his life.

We still recall to this day the sheer dismissiveness and think "what if".

When I was in labour with my second child in 2008, two students were present. 

I remember I lost lots of blood as there was a clot that burst when I pushed, squirting blood everywhere. This was very distressing, and I remember that two students actually loved when that happened. 

I was taken to the theatre afterwards and had a blood transfusion. As I had an internal rip, I required extra care. I remember when the nurses were changing my urine catheter, they pushed me around without any care. When my bandages were changed, I was pushed from side to side like a piece of meat, without any empathy. 

It was a very difficult experience. My daughter was born healthy, but the whole inhumane treatment by maternity unit nurses at that hospital was something that I will not forget.

My daughter is alive only because my wife is a surgeon and told the midwife to "shut up" when she gave incorrect deadly instructions during a breach delivery. I was present.

The midwife was not properly trained and refused to call for help.

My wife took control and our daughter emerged alive only because my wife knew what was going on. Our baby nearly died due to oxygen starvation and suffered problems for the first few years of her life - which was never acknowledged by the medical staff.

The midwife was so upset about my wife taking control that she handed the baby to me, cord still attached, adding insult to injury for my wife, something she will never forgive.

Rachel told our maternity special programme this morning that she is "a different woman" after her birth experience.

Rachel gave birth to her son in 2021 after two hours of pushing after hearing a doctor say she needed a c-section or an episiotomy. About ten minutes later she had a haemorrhage.

Doctors had to weigh the blood and clots they pulled out of her as they didn't know how much blood she had lost.

She was rushed to theatre while her husband was left alone for more than an hour in the room that had her blood everywhere with no idea what was going on.

Rachel was diagnosed with depression, PTSD and anxiety after telling her husband "I don't want to be alive any more".

She has since suffered miscarriages and says she is "a different woman now, just because they took so much from me that day".

On the morning of my labour my waters broke at 6am. I called the hospital and was told to head down.

I arrived at 7am and was left in a waiting room with my husband, which was visible to all of the nurses having a cup of tea.

My waters broke with a vengeance, leaving the floor and me both soaking.

They left my husband mopping up my waters with toilet roll while I was having contractions in soaking clothes. 

I was taken into a room for assessment, where I asked for some sort of pain relief because the contractions had been horrendous and were now a minute apart. I was told "I want to see you doubled over the bed in pain before you ask for any pain relief. This baby isn’t coming until at least tea time." It was 8.30am.

They made me walk to the maternity ward still in my soaking clothes having crippling contractions. I gave birth to my first child an hour later at 10am.

I gave birth to my daughter in December 2023 via an elective c-section. I am a medical professional myself and want to highlight the judgment I received for asking for a c-section and how my decision to have one was ultimately blamed for my post-partum haemorrhage.

My daughter was conceived via IVF after six rounds and so I was petrified I wouldn't be able to give birth to a live and healthy child after my body had struggled with the rest. I also have a medical condition which means labour would be very difficult for me.

My c-section was brilliant, and my daughter was born very healthy. However, I lost four litres of blood and despite the fact I collapsed the consultant ignored it until the midwife and me sounded the alarm again.

My husband was left with our newborn and I was shipped to theatres. The second operation was horrific. I was awake and it felt like I was being punched internally to stop the bleeding. They did a good job and saved my life, but afterwards one of the doctors insinuated that the c-section is why I had the haemorrhage, which as a medic I know cannot be concluded.

I was constantly judged for asking for painkillers when my abdomen was black and blue and I had been through two operations. I was constantly made to feel guilty about the four days I took painkillers and my low milk production was blamed on that too rather than my haemorrhage!

By some miracle, my mental health has not been severely affected. I think that might be because I am a doctor and I knew how to advocate for myself. My overriding thoughts are dominated by how difficult it must be for other women to advocate for themselves, and how women, in this day and age, even when we are well informed, are infantilised, judged and ignored. That's why I would like to share my story.